I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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