I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
