I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
