One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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