why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
