I'm so fucking centered right now
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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