just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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