Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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