The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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