I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
