Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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