Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
