If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
