i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
