She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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