my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
