Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
