he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize