Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she peed on how many people?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
