Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
