So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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