I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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