He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
