I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
