i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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