She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
