Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
