I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize