yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
