Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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