Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
