need another drink. this is the easiest way
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
