thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
