new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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