there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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