i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
