Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
