I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
