Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
