I wish my penis had an off switch
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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