I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
