apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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