Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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