i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
