i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A bitchslap is in order.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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