How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
