Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
