Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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