When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
