feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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