took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
