The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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