At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
