Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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