My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
