fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
