Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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