I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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