I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
