his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
