Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
