Betty ford says i'm here all night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
love makes seman taste better
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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