apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
