So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
