I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
