That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize