Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
