I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize