I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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